Thursday, February 9, 2012

Dear Edward Jones and Associates,
I believe that anything is achievable as long as you set your mind to it. Life is full of various challenges and I have taken on a very exciting challenge! About one month ago, I was selected by
Vanbros and Associates Inc. to be a contestant in the Miss Teen Missouri Pageant on November 9-11 in Poplar Bluff. This pageant leads to the actual Miss Teen USA pageant hosted on NBC. I am really excited about being chosen to represent our area for Miss Teen Missouri.

But as everyone knows, all challenges come with obstacles. I have ran into a few for Miss Teen Missouri. I am writing to you today asking for sponsorship for this pageant, due to the fact that my parents cannot afford the fee without help. I am willing to accept any amount provided.

You are probably wondering why I want participate in this pageant. I asked myself that same question when I was filling my application out. I don't plan on having a career in modeling or fashion, because I plan on being a dentist, so that wasn't it. Everyone in the pageant is also guaranteed a scholarship, but that really wasn't my reason either. So I though more about it, and my real reason is to be a role model for teens my own age and also to promote my platform of world hunger and poverty. I know that all girls want to be role models, but when I say I want to be a role model, I take it to heart. I think that many teens in my community are going in the wrong direction if life due to drugs and violence. I feel like this pageant will help me promote my values on a bigger scale and many teens do listen to others their own age. My platform is also personal. My parents were born in poverty. The stories they tell my about how tough life was and how scarce food was from day to day really makes me realize that I am very lucky to have this life and that I should never take it for granite. I have come to realize that there are many people in life who are not as lucky. I know I can't change the world by myself, but I can convince others to join me.

I am currently a Junior at Warrenton High School. I participate in various school groups. I am member of Peer Helpers, National Honors Society, and the math team. I am also a Teen Spirit Advisor for the Missouri Department of Transportation which promotes safe driving habits, like buckle up and arrive alive. I am also involved in many community groups as well. I help in planning my communities yearly relay for life event, I volunteer at the Warrenton Nursing Home, and I help occasionally prepare food at the Ronald McDonald House.

I think over the years, I have given so much to my community, and I hope they can support my dreams of being in this pageant. I hope you consider sponsoring me for this pageant. If you do think about considering, I am willing to set up a time and date so we can discuss it more. Any amount you can provide is generously accepted. Please help my dreams become reality!|||You are leaving open a window for much discretion by not outlining your current financial "needs." - Try to pin-point your out of pocket expenses and costs on your path to reaching each progressive level in your competitions. %Saying "you are willing to accept any amount provided" leaves open this window to their discretion, which could be only a few dollars.
YOU NEED *BIG BUCKS* of support!!! - SAY SO in your letter.
Present this as an Employment application, saying that "you will expect payment of $xxxx.xx for your work (energies) by mentioning their company as a supporter in the competition."
Be RUTHLESS with your offer.
Build your offer as an Advertising campaign for their company. - This will catch the PR Director's attention.
Also, be very picky with using a spell-checker / grammar editor in your offer. I noticed a few grammatical errors that are so suttle that we overlook them by nature when we know better.
Apply the three transition-points in your offer; OPENING, BODY and CLOSE.
Open with a listing of what leads you to them,
in your BODY, mention what their help can provide
and in your Closing, re-list what leads you to them. Present your offer in full-circle.|||You have honed a wonderful childhood out of poverty...congratulations! I hope you win the pageant.

Only thing that jumped out at me was 3rd paragraph, near the end, instead of "granite" you take nothing for "granted."

Otherwise, it is beautiful and sincere.

Carpe diem!|||My goodness! I don't even know you and I'm proud of you!

Honey, you've got all your ducks in a row. The letter is amazing. My comments below are solely editorial.

"Dear Sirs:"

-----"Miss Teen Pageant that will be held this November"

-----"I am writing to you today to ask you to sponsor me, since my parents cannot afford to pay for the cost of my participation by themselves."

-----omit the part about accepting any amount

-----"I take it to heart because so many teens in my community have been influenced by drugs and violence, "

-----"never take it for granted"

-----"also a member"

-----"Relay For Life"

-----"discuss it further."

Be sure to let us all know how it all works out for you.

Good Luck, and God Bless|||"I am willing to accept any amount provided". don't put that. Say something like, I would appreciate any contribution that your organization could make.


"I think over the years, I have given so much to my community"
This statement lacks confidence. "I have given so much to my community over the years, so I hope they can support......

"I hope you consider sponsoring me for this pageant. If you do think about considering, I am willing to set up a time and date so we can discuss it more. Any amount you can provide is generously accepted." NO!!! Thank you for your consideration of sponsorship for this pageant. I look forward to setting up a meeting at your convenience to further solidify your decision. Don't mention the money again, you already did. they know what you want.


The rest looks pretty good, although you may want to consider starting fewer sentences with "I". For example: I am currently a junior at yada yada, WHERE I participate in various groups, SUCH AS blah blah blah. A well written letter will make you stand out over other applicants. Good luck.|||I've taken your ideas, re-worded some of your content, and shortened the length. Please read the things that I've advised you to insert. It will help the clarity and flow of the letter. Thanks for allowing me to give my imput.

In the upper left hand corner, type your full name, complete address, city, state, and complete zipcode. The complete date should appear in the upper middle OR right corner. Always put, after one space down, the reason for your letter. For example: Sally Jones
1234 Answer Place
Anytown, Missouri 33543-0074
Re: Sponsorship for the Miss Missouri
Teen Pageant is needed.
Double-space before typing "Dear...."

Dear Edward Jones and Associates:
I believe that anything is achieveable as long as you put your mind to it, and being a Miss Teen Missouri contestant is no exception. It takes more money than my parents and I have so, in the words of the old Uncle Sam poster, "I Want You" to help me.

Before I tell you my background in personal and academic achievement, my reasoning for entering the contest, compared to others who may seek your help, is multi-purposeful.

My parental background is one of poverty and food was sparce. Though my life has provided better provisions in these areas, their stories have inspired me to emphasize the need to help change the world's ideas and beliefs in this area.

Down-playing the need for drugs and violence in any community is also an area in which a voice is needed. With your help, I COULD BE THAT VOICE.

Currently a Junior at Warenton High School in (put the town, city, and state here), I'm a member of many high school groups which include: Peer Helpers, National Honor Society, and the Math Team.

Other areas of involvement include these special areas and community projects: Teen Spirit Advisor for the Missouri Department of Transportation, The Yearly Community Relay, Warrenton Nursing Home Volunteer, and an assistant in preparing an occassional meal at Ronald McDonald House in (city, state).

As I have helped support the dreams of others and those of my community, I hope they can help in supporting mine. Any time to talk with you regarding this matter is appreciated. I may be reached at (your phone number(s) and times).

Thank you for taking the time to read and consider my correspondence.

Respectfully,
Your Name

After typing "Respectfully," judge the amount of room your NORMAL signature will take. Don't ever make it appear that you were "cramped." 4 lines before your typed full name is usually enough. Double- space after that and type "Enclosure(s)" ONLY IF YOU HAVE ANY MATERIAL TO INCLUDE BESIDES your letter in the immediate left corner (don't type it in the bottom left). Good luck to you!|||granted, not granite.|||wow great letter apart from granite instead of granted as someone else pointed out.

Your parents must be very proud, hope my son turns out that selfless.

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