(I'm absolutely terrible with grammar, this is a short 600 word essay I had to write for a scholarship and I really want to get it, but I won't be able to with this atrocious grammar! Please help me!) “What? She has cancer?” My mother’s eyes widened in horror, “I’m coming,” Vacations are meant to be taken to escape—if not temporarily—from the repetitive ‘lifestyles’ we all experience in our lives: the perpetual job, dragging days at school, all too familiar faces. Rarely do any of us embark on a journey which heavily alters the way we ponder about the value of leading a healthy, normal life. My mother and I took a trip to Pakistan in 2006, to bid farewell to a young aunt of mine. I roughly recall a day we spent in Dubai, U.A.E, on our way. We were provided for by family friends, who were truly supportive of my mother for being strong enough to travel across the world in the state of mind she inhabited. She hardly touched the food placed in front of her on the extensive flights. There were only three things my mother did on this trip: pray, pray and pray. That very evening, she had been glued to her prayer mat, a shawl tightly wrapped around her head as she feverishly rocked back and forth, muttering prayers with her eyelids closed. I was too young to discover the spiritual power of prayer; instead I stood by the window with the embroidered curtains pulled away. The image in front of me stood out like a ravishing artwork. I witnessed the sun slowly sinking beneath the emblazoned orange sphere above me. The light of it filtered through the tall, majestic palm trees—which were as regular in this city as lights in Las Vegas, Nevada. I caught the distant call to prayer, the muezzin’s words echoing throughout the voluminous sky. I was fascinated by this—by the magnificence of an omnipresent almighty, by the normalcy of traveling across seven seas and encountering a land of beings who worshipped as faithfully. The first thing that welcomed me to Karachi, Pakistan was the unavoidable blast of sweltering heat. The second, however, were the towering golden arches of the freshly constructed McDonalds across from Quaid-E-Azam international airport. The importance of McDonalds in Karachi was extremely amusing. The folks here dramatically groomed themselves to perfection to ‘dine’. The women dressed in which would only be considered as party wear, and the men wore their thick, native black hair combed and gelled specifically to one favored side. Back home in Chicago, McDonald’s signified nothing more than a swift, hasty meal through the driveway after an exhausting day. Finally, I stood before my aunt—but if it could have been delayed further, I wouldn’t have minded at all. The portrayal of her health brought nothing but pain and sympathy. The laughter had gone from her eyes, the once two gleaming marbles elaborately lined. Only a few strands remained of her once abundantly thick, curly mane of hair. It seemed as if something had sucked the air out of her cheeks, no longer fatty apples resting under her eyes. Her lips were pale, and the bones were finely defined against her skin. A pool of questions swam through my mind, what would she give to stand in my place instead? Or rather, how grateful should the people standing around her be? Throughout our lives, why do we take the ability to rise like the sun and start our everyday lives for granted? She passed away the following week, but left all of us with a valuable lesson. “When life is too easy for us, we must beware or we may not be ready to meet the blows which sooner or later come to everyone, rich or poor.”-Eleanor Roosevelt|||“What? She has cancer?” My mother’s eyes widened in horror, “I’m coming.” Vacations are meant to be taken to escape, if not temporarily, from the repetitive ‘lifestyles’ we all experience in our lives: the monotonous job, dragging days at school, and all too familiar faces. Rarely do any of us embark on a journey which alters the way we Think about the value of leading a healthy normal life. If you are not an English major I would consider going through and changing some of the words, mainly your adjectives. If you are using Microsoft WORD synonyms that is good, but if you use to many you can make your self look stupid. The words you use are related but don't really mean what they should in the context of the story. But that's just something to think about. I would also consider rearranging the story to make more sense. Also what does the paragraph about McDonald's accomplish? Why is it there? If it is supposed to stress the differences in lifestyle that is good, maybe just say that to clear it up. I can see how it is in there to make everyone seem different but at the end of the story we are all the same. I would add some transitions or something to clear up that point. I hope this helped I wasn't trying to be mean.

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