international house: My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. He's 19 and I'm 18. We both live with our parents and go to a community college. Next Fall will be our 2nd year. He has a "part time" job at Hollister in the mall to pay for college and his car. He works over 40 hours a week at this job. He is constantly working late and whenever a coworker needs someone to cover for their shift he is the first to volunteer. He's becoming obsessed with his appearance and spends his money on clothes from Hollister. He keeps buying food from McDonald's and places at the mall even though there is food at his house. He doesn't make very much money at Hollister but spends his money on food and things all the time. He wants to be an engineer but he dropped his Calculus 2 class because he wasn't doing well. He doesn't finish his homework in his classes and sometimes doesn't even show up to class. I feel like he has his priorities messed up because he puts so much effort into work and ignores his education. We've talked about getting married one day but I feel like if we get married he won't be as successful as I am because he doesn't care enough about his grades right now. If he doesn't have good grades he won't get into the engineering program that he wants to get in to. I've tried talking to him about working less so he can focus more on school but he just gets upset because I'm nagging him. He says that he works so much so that he doesn't have to take out student loans to pay for school but what's the point in being able to pay for school without needing loans if he does poorly in school? When he goes to a 4 year school he will need to take out student loans so what's the difference in getting loans now for $4,000 a year at community college vs waiting a year to get a loan for $20,000 a year for a 4 year school? If he focused more on school now, he could get scholarships to help pay for school. If he doesn't do well he might not even get in to a 4 year school, or if he does he might not get in to the program he wants. I don't understand why he insists on working so much now when it is only hurting him in the long run. Am I being too controlling by wanting him to try harder in school? How do I deal with him choosing work over school? How do I deal with the possibility that I will be more successful than him?|||Your concerns are legitimate. It sounds like you two are in a serious relationship and I can see why you would become concerned about your future together. The problem here: your boyfriend is young. He wants the freedom to spend his money on worthless junk like most young people do. Having the money to buy things you want right away is a really great feeling. Thats probably why he's so deadset on working. He doesnt understand or see the benefits of college right now. Maybe he doesnt have that "acedemic drive"? Not everybody does. It sounds like he has alot of maturing to do, but he's only 19 so thats okay for now. Maybe in another year or two he may mature, on the other hand he may not. But it sounds like you really love and care for this guy, so do what you've always been doing: stand by him and continue to push him to do well :) You're not being controlling at all, you want whats best for your hubby and that's alright. However, you should also realize that you cant babysit him. He needs to grow and mature for himself. If he really wants a future with you, let him know what your standards are; that you want him to be equally successful as you. Sit and discuss these issues with him calmly and firmly and let him know exactly where you stand. If he's as concerned about a future with you as you are, then he'll focus his energy towards schooling. Most importantly though, don't let anybody hold you back from achieving your own goals. If he absolutely refuses to focus, move on and don't let him be extra baggage on you. What I'm trying to say is to stand by his side for awhile and give him time to mature, but also realise when its time to leave him alone and move on. Good luck :)|||He has fallen into the job/money trap. There is little you can do for him and it sounds like he will not have enough credits to transfer when he plans. Also, engineering is almost impossible to do in only 2 years after transferring and usually requires three unless he is an incredible student. I cannot see a good future here for you two. You have already grown apart and you will grow further apart. You are going to have to tell him he is in danger of alienating you and really the next move is up to him. But remember you can never change a guy. You can mold him a little the way you want. But only a little. You may have to cope with the idea that you may be looking for another boy friend when you start university. My daughter and her undergrad boyfriend drifted apart when she graduated and she found an even greater guy within a few weeks of starting grad school.|||i love your question...can say that i'm also kind of you, guy. you're still young while he did good at school ( If he focused more on school now, he could get scholarships to help pay for school),, dont too obsess much w money now,,,studying is good safe investment( if you have enough qualifications such as: love studying, have dream career, and most importan tthing is doing good at all subjects)..after u get degree,,much much u can earn/ hour?yr position? and none can steal....now, how much holister pay for him?? as i said: studying is investment which you already know its result....up to you. good luck, me too. now i have to loan my family for studying,,and all i focus on school to try to get scholarship,,,partime job???i wish to find some only work 2 days weekend or abt 10 hours/week only,,,,all i need now is geting good grades. maybe my point differs from you, but anyhow,,do not quit school|||I agree with you, if he sticks through school with good grades and gets a good engineering degree, big-name companies will be tripping over themselves to hire him. You are not being too controlling, you just care about him and wants the best for him. But, money is attractive, he's having a hard time letting go of the monthly paycheck that he'll have to give up if he focuses on school. Try your best to make him see the long term goals. But if he doesn't agree, you have to ask yourself whether you are alright being more financially successful than him. Whatever you do, don't let him hold you down from your dreams.|||I think the real question is not how you deal with it, but whether you choose to deal with it if he continues down this path. You can express your concern about the long-term implications of his choices, but you can't instill a love of education or good spending habits or similar priorities in him if he doesn't see a problem with what he's doing, and you may ultimately need to accept that the two of you are growing apart in a way that doesn't make future plans like marriage wise.