Can someone please look at this? It's for a scholarship/low interest loan thing. They want to know why they should give me money pretty much. It can only be 1000 words, it's 940 now. Thanks! Henry David Thoreau once said my favorite quote of all time, which is “live the life you've dreamed.” Whenever I think about giving up, or whenever I feel like I can’t accomplish something, I think of this quote. I have not had an easy life, and it seems like nothing has ever just been given to me. I have worked for everything, and it has been very challenging. My mom was only eighteen years old when she gave birth to me. When I was a little girl my mother and my father separated. This was hard on me, and my mom. She was young and did not know how to take care of a child by herself. I went to live with my grandparents. I didn’t see my mom much when I was younger, and I haven’t seen my biological father since he left. My mother has since remarried and we are now happier; however, times are still hard. We are not a very wealthy family, but I try to make the best of it. I have learned that as long as you have family, you will have happiness in your life. Money is not everything. During my sophomore year in high school, I had to quit playing sports in order to get a job to help support myself. This was extremely frustrating for me because I have a passion for track and tennis. I was on both the varsity tennis and track teams when I had to quit and find a job. I knew that I had to do it to take some of the financial burden away from my mother. I got a job at the fast-food restaurant, McDonald’s. During my sophomore and junior years, I worked about twenty five hours a week and went to school full time. When my senior year came around, I realized that I needed to work more to keep up with my growing bills. I decided to take dual enrollment courses at Chesapeake College. This allowed me to work more while obtaining college credits. This year I have worked forty to fifty hours a week so that I could afford my car payment, insurance, phone bill and whatever other miscellaneous items that I had to pay for. I must say, over the past few years I have learned what hard work truly is. I have learned a lot about myself, and my values from working at McDonald’s. I absolutely love the people I work with, but working there has made me realize that I want something better for myself. I want to go to college and do well in life. My life has been so stressful, but I have managed to keep up with my grades, while working and trying to have a social life. I have learned to manage my time effectively. I pride myself in saying that I have never let my GPA slip below a 3.8 throughout my high school career, despite working so much. I am in the top ten percent of my class and have taken numerous Advanced Placement and honors courses during the past four years and succeeded in them. I am also a member of the National Honor Society and I anchor for our school television announcements in the morning. I also do many charity events from the Hospice run/walk to Relay for Life. I try to be involved and give back to the community as much as I can with my busy schedule. Next year, I plan on attending Washington College in Chestertown, Maryland. This is about an hour or so away from where I currently reside, so I can still be close to my family and some of my friends. I hope to be a Political Science major. I have a love of government and history. Politics fascinate me, I simply love them. I’m the girl that has the New York Times as her homepage on her computer. I’d even rather watch the news than some show on MTV. I have also received the score of a 4 on both the U.S. Government and U.S. History Advanced Placement exams. After I obtain my bachelors degree from Washington College, I hope to go to graduate school at American University. It is my goal to receive a PhD in Political Science from American University. Despite all of the difficulty in my life, I would not trade it for anything. I love my family and friends. They are truly wonderful. I know that my parents would help me pay for college if they could, but they simply cannot afford to help me at all. My mother and stepfather have a ten year old son together, which consumes some of their funds. Within the last year, my stepfather has been on unemployment and moved from job to job. He also has child support to pay for his other daughter. With a Financial Aid Award from CSB, I would be able to work less in college and be more involved around campus. I would really like to be involved in a sorority and the school’s student government association next year. I know that this may not be possible if I have to work as much as I do now, and keep up with my college work. Neither of my parents, or grandparents have a college degree. I want nothing more than to make my family proud of me. I am going to succeed in life. I could really use any financial assistance that you are willing |||Beautiful essay. you can tell that it's a no strings attached work that comes from the heart, and that is what really counts. You have a few small sentences which seem too blunt. for example: instead of: She was young and did not know how to take care of a child by herself. I went to live with my grandparents. I didn’t see my mom much when I was younger, and I haven’t seen my biological father since he left. you could write: She was young and did not know how to take care of a child, so I ended up living with my grandparents. I didn’t see my mom much when I was younger, and I haven’t seen my biological father since he left. so that instead of a short broken sentence you have a single full sentence. If you do that then your golden. Good luck!!|||its pretty solid.. just two things its pretty wordy- try to synthesize more. the first sentence is pretty choppy also make sure its not a sob story about your life. even if your life has been hard, focus on how this has affected you, dont try to make people feel bad for you or it will backfire good job and good luck!

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