Well, I'm working on a story and so far I have over 25,000 words :] It took me a week to write that much and I'm hoping to reach my goal of 140,000. I was wondering if you guys would like to critique on my writing? Here are two short paragraphs from my story, both from completely different chapters: Worthington Academy, school of the arts and home of the dancing wolves. As strange and peculiar as that sounds, I would be happy to inform you that it's anything but. Within the almost mile long school, there is the typical elite group of exceedingly popular students, the ones who aren't really popular, and then there are the outcasts– which I'm happy to say that I'm one of. But of course, anyone who's a scholarship pupil at one of the wealthiest schools in American like Worthington is immediately marked as a castaway. No one cares if your great, great, great grandfather is George Washington or that Madonna is your mother's 5th cousin twice removed. And they could honestly care less if you have front row tickets and backstage passes to the next Paramore concert. At Worthington you're either wealthy or nothing at all– no exceptions made. The small yellow painted sidewalk that lead to the doors of McDonald's had almost too slick of a surface for me to walk along. I almost lost my balance and fell when I was about a foot or two away from the door. I stared the plastic Ronald in the eyes, glaring back at him ferociously. Without wasting anymore time, I pushed open the glass doors and walked into the blinding light of the restaurant, ignoring the looks I got from the customers and the cashiers. My nose filled with the aroma of freshly baked cookies and fries, the grumbling in my stomach loud enough for everyone to hear. It seemed as if I had stood there forever, watching countless people stuff fries and burgers into their mouths. My own mouth was dripping wet with hunger. “Hey kid,” someone from behind me called. I turned around and saw an old man, about 50 some odd years old staring at me, “Do ya need any money? Yer stomach there's grumblin' like a motor.” “No, thank you. I have some money right,” I replied, reaching into my pocket, searching for the bills that had been in there earlier. “Here,” I said, pulling out a fist full of pennies and nickels. The old man smiled at me, holding a finger up to me, motioning for me to wait. A couple of second later he pulled out a five dollar bill and laid it in my hands as a happy smile found it's way on my face. “Thank you, sir,” I smiled, feeling utterly grateful to his kindness. “But I can't accept this,” I told him, putting out my bandaged hand so he could take his money back from it. “Is' no big deal. Besides, a young'on like you don't need to be out on the streets starving to death, you know,” he asked as he scratched the rough buzz on his cheeks, mistaking me for a runaway, “You'd be doin' me an honor, young miss, just take the money and buy yerself some grub to eat, kay?” “Yes, sir,” I smiled as a trickle of sweat trailed down my back. “Thank you again,” I said, stuffing the money into my pocket as I turned the corner and headed towards the bathroom. My feet dragged themselves on the floor in a loud manner, I felt too tired... too weak to even walk right. I put my hood up as I walked closer and closer to the bathroom, covering my face completely. A small family of 3— 2 parents and a small boy who looked to be about 4 or 5 years old, were quietly stuffing their faces with food. “Mommy,” the small, blonde haired blue eyed kid called, “Why does that girl look sick?” His mother looked up at me, with the same blue eyes, and smiled before she quickly turned back to her son, “Jayk, eat your food and stop being so nosy.” “But momma, look at her hand, she has a booboo,” he pointed at my hand, frowning. If he hadn't been so young I wouldn't have ignored what he had said. His father turned towards me and looked at my hand as I walked pass them, “Oh dear, are you alright?” “Yes, I just got into a little accident,” I told them, pushing the wooden door of the bathroom open. I'm only 14 so I'm terribly sorry if there are any HUGE mistakes in there. I tend to mess up sometimes when I write :] ANY CRITICISM IS ACCEPTED! DON'T GO EASY ON ME! Thanks!|||hey , I read only the first paragraph and it was sort of enough for me. Twilight has become an idea to many young writers who think basing their thoughts on one of Meyer's characters would make their plot a way more interesting and successful as her books are- it is wrong! Nobody would be willing to read another Twilightish book, and dancing wolves? However, I like your writing style and I think it's a matter of time until you come up with your own idea and maybe Meyer will buy your own book - I promise I will be standing in the line to snatch it off the shelf too : - )|||Hey I am 12 and I am writing an young adult novel and is at 17,000 words and trying to reach 60,000-80,000 words and it is hard work, I have put work up here so I wont go easy on you. So I like that it is the 3rd tense however I think it needs more description, however I got a bit board, it wasn't interesting enough, so put more exciting adjectives, and make it more exciting in general!!!! I hope this helps, and hope I you get to your target!!!

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